The man in my life has a heart as big as the Atlantic Ocean but his daughter is a whole other level. She has him wrapped around her finger so tightly I’m surprised he can breathe. He knows what she does, it gets under his skin but he will always find a way to excuse her. I’ve learnt to not say anything against her because it’s not worth it. He will rant about my kids but I can’t say anything about her. What I don’t get is how did she end up like this? He’s not like this at all, and her brother is pretty awesome.
I’ll bet there are people saying, too much work, leave him. Truthfully, it does cross my mind sometimes but …. anyone sharing time with me has to deal with the minefield that comes from my kids so it’d be excruciatingly hypocritical for me to behave otherwise.
I’m not looking forward to the next however many months as I’ll barely get to see him. I’m trying to tell myself to imagine he’s away on an excursion or some such but the fact that he’s less than ten minutes away makes that hard. I know it gets to him too and I know he feels like he’s trapped in the middle so I’m not going to add to that. If he wants me, he knows where I am. I’m not chasing after him, nor am I going to be begging for crumbs of his time. If he wants to be with me, I’m here. If he can’t figure it out, then I shall be here getting on with my life. I don’t know how else to do this. 4 years ago he talked about us moving in together when child custody was settled. That’s taken forever … 4 years ago I was so caught up in the whole thing that it hurt to be apart. As time’s gone on though, I’ve created my own home, my own routines and sometimes I wonder if I’ll be able to go back into sharing a house, especially a house which has no room for me.
Oh, this sounds so negative, makes me sound like I shouldn’t be with him except that he makes me happy, he makes me whole. Shutting down is, I guess, my way of preventing emotional haemorrhage.
meanderingthoughts2310 